Shaking Shame Part 1

When I tell people I'm a blogger, they inevitably ask, “What do you write about?”

"I write stories of hope and encouragement on how to love the mentally oppressed."

Responses vary from visibly cringing, to a smile, or an awkward silence to "tell me more." Somtimes I feel a sense of shame. I've wondered to myself, why? What is there to be ashamed of?

Culturally, we’ve managed to turn mental illness into some sort of awkward, scary problem. It should be hidden away and never brought into public view out of fear of humiliation or embarrassment. This pervasive discriminatory attitude adds to the severe struggles the mentally ill have with internalizing shame. They feel unacceptable in our society. It’s a major problem in our homes, schools, neighborhoods, churches, workplaces, cities, our country and around the world. (for statistics and more, click here: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/s/stigma-and-discrimination)

No one shames you for having cancer or diabetes, yet, a mental struggle that’s rooted in your genetic brain chemistry, will put you in ‘shameville' real quick. We all know it.

Shaming those who struggle mentally and emotionally is, unfortunately, predominant in religious environments. People are bludgeoned (by themselves or from others) with a “I shouldn’t struggle with this” mentality. No one who has a relationship with Jesus should struggle mentally, emotionally or spiritually. This is simply not true. We ALL struggle with our thought lives. We all have hard days emotionally. And we’re all in a spiritual process. None of us have arrived. I love how Rick Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church, said it at a conference on mental health and the church, “We’re all mentally ill at some level or another.”

Yet, for those of us who are pre-disposed or have been clinically diagnosed with a mental illness, the “I shouldn’t struggle with this” mentality creates deeper shame, a feeling of hopelessness and a desire to isolate oneself out of fear of rejection. At its worst, these feelings can also lead to suicidal ideations.

Perhaps it's unintentional on the part of those who may have inadvertently caused deeper shame due to their own lack of experience, denial or judgement. People tend to fear what they cannot understand.

I remember running into a pastor’s wife at Walmart when we lived in Florida. I didn’t know her well, but assumed she would be understanding; after all, she held a degree in Women’s Ministry. She asked how I was doing and I said, “I’m really depressed. I’ve struggled off and on with it most of my life.” She laughed and said, “Ha, your whole life? That can’t be true if you’re a Christian.”

I walked away feeling ashamed that I just wasn’t a good enough Christian. I was embarrassed that I said anything at all and flat out discouraged. I wondered, is that how Jesus feels about me?

Sadly, there’s many more stories like this.

I’ve thankfully learned that Jesus doesn’t feel that way at all. As a matter of fact, he cares deeply for my struggles. One of the most fascinating verses to me in the Bible is Hebrews 12:2, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” I've been captured by the phrase, scorning its shame. Why did he do that? Why was scorning the shame of the cross so important to Jesus? What does it mean for us?

I believe Jesus didn’t scorn the shame of the cross so that we can live in shameville. He scorned the shame of the cross so we can escape it.

~

Have you experienced shame related to your own or a loved one’s mental health?

What does scorning shame mean to you personally?

How does it make you feel?