The rub between brokenness and restoration

In my last blog, “Sometimes, I guess, there just aren’t enough rocks,” I mentioned sharing more on “the rub.” The friction we all feel between brokenness and restoration, where the rub between our desires and God's makes sparks fly and the wrestle in our own souls between giving grace and demanding justice is tested. It’s the battle ground where war breaks out in our hearts over the conflict to put down our rocks or throw them.

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Summer of 2019, I was working in prison ministry. Our church started an internship program and we hired *Jen to intern with us. One Friday morning, she and I were scheduled to attend a Greek class taught by a resident of Limon Correctional Facility. I had met *Danny about a year prior and talked with him numerous times since. Never once did I get weirded out by him.

As Jen and I sat in desks facing each other in the small closet-like office space my boss and I affectionately nicknamed “the cell," we deliberated about what Danny did to be sentenced to life behind bars. In my curiosity, I decided to Google his name... probably not the best idea and not my typical practice either, but God knew what he was doing.

My stomach churned as I realized I had shaken hands and sat face-to-face with someone who had struck terror in me almost two decades prior. Someone who had stocked the streets where I walked looking for a woman to devour and doing things nightmares are made of.

For several days, my soul plunged to places I didn’t even know existed. Questions collided with unbelief and tears poured out in sorrow over the utter depravity and injustice of it all.

God, in some ways it feels so unfair that Danny's offered the same gift of your son as others who've done their best all their lives to live for you. It feels so unjust... almost criminal! Wrong on so many levels! It’s like giving all of my valuables to a robber! My flesh screams, “he doesn’t deserve any of it!” Humanly speaking, it feels like betrayal.

God, show me how the Gospel applies to Danny. How do I reconcile the rub between mercy and justice?

The phone rang. It was a friend and prison ministry partner.

“Hi Jamie, how are you today?"

"Well, I’m kind of struggling. I looked-up what one of the guys did and I’m having a hard time with it."

“Is it Danny?"

“Yes."

“Just remember when you see him, you’re seeing the new Danny, not the old Danny--he’s dead.”

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17

I sat on my front porch with Jesus pondering what the Gospel means for Danny. These words came in like a wave, “Go and learn what this means, 'I desire mercy, and not sacrifice.' For I came not to call the righteous, but sinners." (Matthew 9:13)

In context, Jesus was challenging the spiritual teachers who were questioning his motives in associating himself with the town low-lives. He called the Pharisees out on their piety and their inability to acknowledge the need for their own heart change.

He challenged them to consider a better way than judgment: to delight in purposefully extending kindness toward miserably afflicted souls, the ones devoted to sin, specifically stained with certain vices or crimes. To not make it about payment; rather, look for ways to help them out of their heart mess.

The spiritual know-it-alls were completely annoyed by Jesus’ words. Yet, he infused hope in those who needed him most. He offers the same hope to those of us today who recognize, “I’m a twisted mess longing for someone to untangle the chaos inside and this guy has what I’m looking for... the power to relieve the tension between brokenness and restoration through mercy because he already paid the price."

*names have been changed

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Are there situations in your own life where you wrestle between giving grace and demanding justice?

Are you willing to extend mercy instead of toiling for payment from those who’ve come to mind?

Consider asking Jesus what to do with the rub in your own journey.

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